28 months hopelessness, tolland, Connecticut
By Eva A. | Posted Saturday October 5, 2013
Po Box 463
Enfield, CT 06083
I had to push myself to write this letter because it makes me sad and I am always an optimistic despite it all. You see I had a disaster outside my control and I never saw it coming. On June 10, 2010 was two months after my beloved cat Miko was poisoned and electrocuted and had to have him put to sleep. This was the start of a 2+ year ordeal. My business was hacked into and my web sites stolen, my rent went way up and I cancelled not to renew my lease, threw my old furniture out and had all my world processions packed into my car. Even a room I wanted to rent cancelled the day I was to move into it. Now on the streets with a few hundred dollars.
After looking in three States for work and no luck my car unable to pay for it was reprocessed and I was charged the difference from the auction $4800. Shelters were full and many times rejected me. Motel 6 in Vernon Ct was my home for a long while with a bus route. Then I was no longer able to pay and I had no choice but to either sleep on the streets directly and surely die or stay there at the motel for two months for free as I face eviction. One day taking the bus to the free food truck drop off I run into people I knew 35+ years ago who were in want and getting free food. They knew of a homeless woman who knew of a woman with a house with a room for rent. No security deposit was required only $100 a week just right in my extreme time of need. A Hoarders house with control issues and a clothes washer that died, electricity is off and on with little heat in late fall and the deck out back the boards were falling apart. I was given a small room with no closet and my frig in the room was about 1 ½ feet tall and later bought a two burner plate to cook on. I am living over 2 years out of four bins of clothes and little things that have not seen the light of day in 2 years. My mattress there has hard metal springs giving me large bed sores but I am grateful for this place and soon it will be a very long year I have been here. I have a room without hope I cannot get a job you see I have always had my own business and no boss to say I am good hire plus my credit by now is so very bad. No one would want me as employee or renter. This all is secret why? Because I am a former life coach I am ashamed I cannot get myself on my feet and all people have turned their back on me. I am embarrassed and it takes so much just to write this, for people judge what they do not know… You see I have a genius IQ, extreme talent and a gift plus my soul is angelic always helping others and giving people hope and help. I have done nothing to deserve even 5% of my suffering and lack of seeing a way out. My manuscripts have survived my ordeal for a God given purpose and by the grace of God wish for the world to one day soon see and read them.
My Therapist many years ago told me to write a letter to my inner child here it is I pray it will come true for I need hope:
You are precious to me. You are deep in my heart and safe from the outside and others. I will cradle you in my embrace and comfort your fears. I will give you everything you need and watch you grow. I will make sure you grow and learn plus succeed in being the best human being you can, and if you meet any people along the way that may hinder you, I will take your hand and guide you away. Everything I want to give to you no one can take away from you: education, knowledge, feelings and thoughts. I will give you a safe love to believe in, hope in and will not come and go. I want you to attach yourself to your inner child instead of people, especially men, who in the past came and went and took with them the feelings you have given away so freely. I know you can do well, and as you grow and settle down now and in the future and until old age and death overtakes you I will surround you with love, light, warmth, flowers, and plants that grow, animals as close companions, and children you can help and love plus music for your soul. Through your writing and your music, you’ll discover how talented and beautiful you really are. You’ll touch people’s hearts with your talents. The rest of your life will be devoted to that, and if by special; circumstances and blessings you meet another special and beautiful soul as a mate. I will see to it that your life be complete learning and fun is in your future. You can be yourself, and embrace yourself, welcome yourself, see yourself, accept yourself, and say to yourself welcome to this new life.
Thank you for your listening ear may my story inspire others not to give you hope maybe one day I will have hope this ordeal has been a very long suffering I am ready to put behind me….
Love light – Eva Anderson